This is an article taken from the Chinese section of last week’s ‘My Paper’. I’ve attempted to translate it here, so pardon me if it sounds weird. I’m still more comfortable with translating English to Chinese. Of course not very pro, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten a certificate of participation for some bilingual translation competition in sec 3. I used to collect meaningful and well-written essays submitted by readers of the Chinese newspaper. Hardly do that nowadays, so I really only have that few clippings. This article about tolerance vs. refinement somehow relates to the bible’s teaching on being slow to anger. So ENJOY!!!
All those pent-up anger and frustrations from work we yearn to vent them out but if we complain too much to our friends, they may get irritated or something. Therefore, many people will tell us to be more tolerant and gracious about it.
People like to equate tolerance to refinement but Ms Shenton, the author, begs to differ. She believes that tolerance is a low level thing whilst refinement is a high level thing. (I hope I won’t be using too much thing)
When we talk about tolerance, we often have this mentality: I can’t afford to offend you now, so I’ll tolerate. But you wait and see, one day...... Such tolerance has a deep underlying motive; you tolerate only to hide or protect yourself. However, your eyes are dead-fixed on your target. When the time is ripe, you will jump out and attack.
In reality, these people are highly respected. They are deemed to be intelligent and material for success.
Their tolerance is in fact a plot, a hideous act. What’s more scary is that such tolerance can perverse the human mind.
Let me tell you a story from the ancient history of China. Before the Tang dynasty was this short-lived Duo dynasty. The good-for-nothing emperor of this Duo dynasty is called Yang Guang. He demonstrated tolerance to the max.
Before he became an emperor, he could take a lot of things lying down. He was not particular about his dressing or meals and did not have a servant. He even married an extremely ugly wife.
In this way, he tolerated for 10 years. Both the emperor and his subjects felt that he would make a good emperor.
Who would expect that after this fellow became an emperor, there was a drastic change in his personality. He became extremely extravagant and useless. Not long after, Duo dynasty fell.
This is the result of tolerance.
Tolerance can enable a person to grab certain kinds of benefits but such perverseness often causes him to do the wrong things. Once he can take it no longer, he will resort to foolish acts.
Refinement is different. It is like pardoning and forgiveness; it’s a higher intellect. Refinement also requires tolerance but such tolerance does not derive from the basis of revenge and self-centredness. This tolerance is to get rid of the anger which enters the body, maintaining the stability of the mind and emotions throughout.
Tolerance is a kind of attack. Because you need to attack, you need to defend. Refinement does not require defense, because you have never thought of attacking.
To become a company’s managerial talent, the more you need to turn tolerance into refinement. Because of the power and influence you hold in your hands, if you survive on mere tolerance, you will vent it out on someone someday when you can hold it no more. In the end, you will only turn your organisation into scattered sand.
If you can turn tolerance into refinement, you will consider first the benefits of others. It’s not easy to be refined but once you grasp the different elements, you can develop your own charm and become the great general.
That was some food for thought....
An interesting question revisited
Girlfriends and wives love to ask their spouse this age-old question. We hardly hear men ask this question maybe because women are really quite bo liao sometimes. If your mother and me both fall into the sea, assuming both of us can’t swim and you can only save one, who will you save?
Dead-meat: Many men will avoid answering because either way makes you a heartless creature.
Liar: He will say save the mother in front of the mother and say save the wife in front of the wife. So fake!
Excuse me: Just say they can’t swim let alone save the other two.
Resourceful: This is what I heard employers will ask. Your purpose is to make any hopeless situation look hopeful! Before you save anyone, call the fire engine or whoever. While waiting for help to arrive, save one of them and hopefully the other also gets rescued later on.
Cheesy: This is what I heard from my colleague. Of course save the girlfriend/ wife (without hesitation). His parent(s) have already passed on.
Romantic: This is a really good one and first time I’ve heard about it from another colleague. With this one, you can’t go very wrong. The boyfriend says he will save the mother. How can you forsake you mother for a girl who’s not even your wife right, so a pat on his back. But after that, he will jump into the water and die with his girlfriend. This is so terribly touching. How can it not melt your heart?
To the guys out there, good luck!!!
Random talk
There’s this toilet below my office which I normally use. Pasted on the wall is a sign which reads “Please lift the toilet seat before you pee”. Huh? Then what’s the toilet seat for? If it’s for guys only, I can understand, but not for every one right?
I think the bus handle is an amazing invention except that I don't understand why there's allowance for so much movement. It doesn't help that when the bus makes a sharp turn, I have to stabilise myself with all my might. I don't suppose I'm that light but it seems like I'm the only one so prone to sliding from one end of the bus to another.
I always thought Proforma Invoice was Performa Invoice. Sam Heng will know what I’m talking about. I’m actually that blind not to have noticed that even though I’ve handled many Proforma Invoice.
Angeline – A Story of Love
All those pent-up anger and frustrations from work we yearn to vent them out but if we complain too much to our friends, they may get irritated or something. Therefore, many people will tell us to be more tolerant and gracious about it.
People like to equate tolerance to refinement but Ms Shenton, the author, begs to differ. She believes that tolerance is a low level thing whilst refinement is a high level thing. (I hope I won’t be using too much thing)
When we talk about tolerance, we often have this mentality: I can’t afford to offend you now, so I’ll tolerate. But you wait and see, one day...... Such tolerance has a deep underlying motive; you tolerate only to hide or protect yourself. However, your eyes are dead-fixed on your target. When the time is ripe, you will jump out and attack.
In reality, these people are highly respected. They are deemed to be intelligent and material for success.
Their tolerance is in fact a plot, a hideous act. What’s more scary is that such tolerance can perverse the human mind.
Let me tell you a story from the ancient history of China. Before the Tang dynasty was this short-lived Duo dynasty. The good-for-nothing emperor of this Duo dynasty is called Yang Guang. He demonstrated tolerance to the max.
Before he became an emperor, he could take a lot of things lying down. He was not particular about his dressing or meals and did not have a servant. He even married an extremely ugly wife.
In this way, he tolerated for 10 years. Both the emperor and his subjects felt that he would make a good emperor.
Who would expect that after this fellow became an emperor, there was a drastic change in his personality. He became extremely extravagant and useless. Not long after, Duo dynasty fell.
This is the result of tolerance.
Tolerance can enable a person to grab certain kinds of benefits but such perverseness often causes him to do the wrong things. Once he can take it no longer, he will resort to foolish acts.
Refinement is different. It is like pardoning and forgiveness; it’s a higher intellect. Refinement also requires tolerance but such tolerance does not derive from the basis of revenge and self-centredness. This tolerance is to get rid of the anger which enters the body, maintaining the stability of the mind and emotions throughout.
Tolerance is a kind of attack. Because you need to attack, you need to defend. Refinement does not require defense, because you have never thought of attacking.
To become a company’s managerial talent, the more you need to turn tolerance into refinement. Because of the power and influence you hold in your hands, if you survive on mere tolerance, you will vent it out on someone someday when you can hold it no more. In the end, you will only turn your organisation into scattered sand.
If you can turn tolerance into refinement, you will consider first the benefits of others. It’s not easy to be refined but once you grasp the different elements, you can develop your own charm and become the great general.
That was some food for thought....
An interesting question revisited
Girlfriends and wives love to ask their spouse this age-old question. We hardly hear men ask this question maybe because women are really quite bo liao sometimes. If your mother and me both fall into the sea, assuming both of us can’t swim and you can only save one, who will you save?
Dead-meat: Many men will avoid answering because either way makes you a heartless creature.
Liar: He will say save the mother in front of the mother and say save the wife in front of the wife. So fake!
Excuse me: Just say they can’t swim let alone save the other two.
Resourceful: This is what I heard employers will ask. Your purpose is to make any hopeless situation look hopeful! Before you save anyone, call the fire engine or whoever. While waiting for help to arrive, save one of them and hopefully the other also gets rescued later on.
Cheesy: This is what I heard from my colleague. Of course save the girlfriend/ wife (without hesitation). His parent(s) have already passed on.
Romantic: This is a really good one and first time I’ve heard about it from another colleague. With this one, you can’t go very wrong. The boyfriend says he will save the mother. How can you forsake you mother for a girl who’s not even your wife right, so a pat on his back. But after that, he will jump into the water and die with his girlfriend. This is so terribly touching. How can it not melt your heart?
To the guys out there, good luck!!!
Random talk
There’s this toilet below my office which I normally use. Pasted on the wall is a sign which reads “Please lift the toilet seat before you pee”. Huh? Then what’s the toilet seat for? If it’s for guys only, I can understand, but not for every one right?
I think the bus handle is an amazing invention except that I don't understand why there's allowance for so much movement. It doesn't help that when the bus makes a sharp turn, I have to stabilise myself with all my might. I don't suppose I'm that light but it seems like I'm the only one so prone to sliding from one end of the bus to another.
I always thought Proforma Invoice was Performa Invoice. Sam Heng will know what I’m talking about. I’m actually that blind not to have noticed that even though I’ve handled many Proforma Invoice.
Angeline – A Story of Love
This is a story from those little books that you get from gift shops. My friend gave this to me quite a long time ago but I’m revisiting it to share with you and bring some warmth to your heart as well. Enjoy!!!
Somewhere in the evening sky a little angel lived on a puffy white cloud. Her name was Angeline.
One day she saw herself in a shiny raindrop...... And realised that her wings were very, very small. Angeline tried to think of ways to make them look bigger.
“I know, I’ll glue extra curly fuzzy feathers all over them.”...... But they just blew off.
Then she thought, “I’ll paint them bright colours”, and ran for a brush......But she just looked funny.
She even tried to hide them under a giant, enormous straw hat with lots and lots of fancy flowers...... But she just looked silly.
Angeline felt very sad. “How could anyone love an angel with such itsy-bitsy wings?” She softly whispered.
Then she started to cry.
As she gently wiped away a tear, she felt a bump. A big, dark cloud blew by and almost knocked her over. Angeline watched it slide past and sadly thought, “I’ll always look strange. I can’t fix my wings and they will never grow.”
Suddenly she had an idea.
“I’ll jump into this cloud and sail far away into the sky where no one will ever see me.” So she hopped on the fluffy cloud and floated like a big, white bubble into the still blue night.
With a big sigh, the little angel tucked herself in and fell fast asleep. But as she glided along she began to slowly sink deeper and deeper into the cloud’s soft, black center.
Angeline tumbled upside down and sideways until...... She finally landed on the bottom with a gentle thud.
She was all alone and very, very scared.
Suddenly she looked down and saw a beautiful rainbow.
“Oh my,” she sighed, “Maybe if I jump on this rainbow it will take me somewhere... Anywhere... Away from this gloomy, sad place.”
Angeline began to slide down...down...down until... THUMP!
She landed on a soft warm blanket. Angeline could see nothing in the shadows. “Oh no, another scary place.” The angel stared into the darkness and realised she was on a little girl’s bed.
Then she saw the little girl...Hiding behind a big pillow.
“I’m so afraid of the dark,” she whispered.
“I know just how you feel,” Angeline cried. “But I’m here now so you don’t have to be frightened anymore.” And with that the little girl scooped up the angel in her arms and held her tight.
Her tears dried, her cries stopped and she drifted off to sleep.
Angeline never felt so loved and cared for. She was so happy that even her wings looked a little bigger. And from that day on the little girl and the angel were together, wach helping the other in their own way.
And just as there are stars in the sky, there’s a special angel for every little girl and boy...... waiting to be held and loved.
Whether you feel like the angel or the little girl, I hope the story meant something to you. What I make of this story is two different ways of looking at it.
Firstly, God loves us like the angel and the best part being He understands every fear that goes through our heart.
Secondly, we put ourselves in the angel’s shoes and realise we are never too inadequate to love others. The point is whether we are willing to find that someone who needs your love to love.
meapple
2 comments:
Commenting on Tolerance vrs Refinement.
From what i understand, refinement as you mentioned, seems to be a higher level of torlerance. Like the ninth level or enlightenment or something :P. The attitude of bottling it up, and biding your time is actually what i believe every parent would encourage their children to do. Seen in a different light, it can be perceived as being street-wise, a defense mechanism to avoid being taken advantage of, or inadvertently hurt. Although i agree that the idea of it seems underhanded and a little vicious, and that over long periods of time it would be unhealthy and undesirable, but consider the alternative. From experience being accomodating and magnimonious to others would only lead them to take advantage of you further. You can take whatever injustice he/she throws at you once, twice, a week, a few months. But seeing that you apparantly have no misgivings or loudly adverse reaction to his/her requests or advances, he/she will continue to take advantage of the fact, whenever it suits his/her needs. I had a friend, he was my best friend, and i still remember what he said to me, " Friends for life eh? When we grow up we will still be friends" nothing fancy or blood-stirring, but it nevertheless meant much to me. So we would always help each other when in need. His parents are rather tight with his allowance and whenever he went out he was always short. Thus he often borrowed money from me. At first he made it a point to keep track and pay me back bit by bit, but soon, he saw no need, and stopped. He just continue to ask me for money, order or buy stuff and expect me to pay, and call me irritant stuff like ' mobile atm '. Sigh, i guess it was partly my fault. I have never hounded him to return money, although i have tried telling him discreetly not to be so blatant about asking me for money. It got so bad that i constantly ran out of money for myself, and he remain obtuse to whatever hints i dropped him. I was afraid i would embarrass or hurt him if i brought up the issue, but it was unadvoidable. After i talked to him, he started paying back, but soon after stopped again. But the borrowing continued. Why? Because again, he saw no need. I guess this is why Man tend to sin again and again, to forget lessons taught to us and fall back into bad habits. I guess if nothing bad happens to change us we would see no need to change too.
Erm sorry, strayed from the topic. Personally i feel that although refinement is theoratically preferable, it is not as practical or as easily acheivable as torlerance. In the heat of the moment, it would be hard and even unnatural not to feel indignant, hurt, anger, etc. Thus it is logical to tolerate it first, then when the strength of emotion has calmed, to conciously search within yourself for the strength to forgive and accept. I often stop at the first step, and happily willing to forget the second step, mainly because i wont have the release of revgenge, and forgiving someone is hard. But i guess that is something i must change. However to hide behind the excuse " all things are imperfect, and thus he is also", using this logic to salve your wounds and forgive the act is just not right. Still, although it is a fact that the world is bad, we must persevere and continue to be good, even at the cost of ourselves. For i believe that there are only two groups of people in this world-- the bad people, and people that try to be good. I dont want to be bad. And besides, i think the girls who arent bad are prettier :D
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